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06 December 2008

I Would Have Preferred Cleaning Grout!

There are not enough ways to adequately describe how much I detest shopping. There was a time when I loved shopping. There was not a mall I did not visit nor a sale I did not know about and participate it in. There was a gleam in my eye the day the Mall of America opened. I do not know if one can use up one's lifetime of shopping early on in one's life or if my focus has changed, maybe both. I really do not care for shopping and I would rather clean grout than enter a Mall.

I am exhausted, physically and mentally. I do not want to ever go shopping for clothing for me again, ever! The Mall was hot and to say it was over-crowed would be an understatement. I did find clothing, but that is at the end of the tale.

Finding clothing for me has never been easy. I am an odd shape. Recently I learned my body shape it known as an "inverted triangle". Which is a fancy way of saying I have the shoulders of a linebacker, so not quite an hourglass. Finding slacks is in and of itself a nightmare. I have very short legs but a high rise. If anyone knows Michael Kors, please let him know that while his trousers are lovely a 6" rise could land me with an indecency in public charge. I realise there are those out there for whom a 6" rise works wonderfully. All I ask is for some higher rises for those of us who break that mold and would actually like to get the trousers up.
Remember I mentioned short legs? I am all torso, which means even petite pants can be long. I am noting a trend of regular size pants becoming increasingly longer. I used to be able to buy the regular size without needing 5" heels. Please, for the love of my toes, stop hiding the shorter length trousers. And Macy's, please carry Jones of New York in petite. Seriously. Not all shoppers are tall.

Moving on to tops. Where to begin? I am a mom of three teens and have absolutely no desire to look as though I am pregnant. Yes, I know those tops are "trendy", yet I see very few grown adults who look good in these tops. For my body type v-necks are supposed to look great on me. It is a theory. So why do the majority of the necklines insist upon showing so much cleavage? No I am not a prude. I think these tops look fabulous on a great many, however I would really rather not show off my mammary glands to my in-laws and my boys have requested I keep them covered as well (I guess they prefer not to need therapy for that in the future). My last gripe has to do with the length of tops or lack there of. Now if designers are making slacks with 6" rises, one would assume the tops would be longer. Apparently my logic does not hold water in the design world.

So I moved on to dresses. I have not the strength to go there today. However, if there is a reader here who does not mind flashing some cleavage, Macy's has a killer black wrap around dress. I loved it. I tried to make it cover me (remember I was buying this to go out to dinner with my in-laws for their 50th Wedding Anniversary), but I could not. I will say this dress is absolutely gorgeous, slimming and perfect I every way. Oh, there is also a killer Ralph Lauren dress I really wanted, but the almost $300 price tag stopped me.

Deb, just for you I tried on Spanx. Honest to God it does nothing for me. I tried the lower ended items at $30 to the upper end of $80. Nothing. At least you cannot say I do not listen to you. I did. I am thrilled they work for you and for countless others. I really wanted them to work. I even tried to convince myself that I did indeed look better. No sale.

So what did I come away with besides a cold (yes, I caught a cold) and a migraine?

I purchased Jones of New York trousers in grey and in black. A Jones of New York cashmere v-neck sweater in red, a Jones of New York black pencil skirt , and a Jones of New York short sleeve ivory silk blouse (v-neck). Anyone seeing a trend of what designer works best for my shape? Sadly I knew this before making the hellish trip to the Mall and trying on countless different items. Lesson for the day, stick with what works. I could have purchased everything from home, with free shipping in a matter of minutes, rather than the hours (oh yes, hours) I spent at the mall. My accessories are all from Twisted-Silver. :)

In case anyone is feeling generous and wants to pick me up a little something or more likely curious as to what bizarre sizes I wear I shall share. Top: M or a size 10 (shoulders people), Trousers size 6P, and dresses, do not bother. Trust me. I could go on and on about that nightmare but shall spare everyone. (BTW, did anyone notice the top and bottom difference? If so, now imagine finding a dress that does not need serious alterations).

I honestly do not foresee me heading to the Mall ever again.


Soxnitter said...

I feel your pain! I hate shopping, too. My body is weirder than yours, by far and I totally agree with what you say about the clothes available. They don't work for me. I did find one pair of Macy's InStyle pants that fit me pretty well, but I do need to wear heels with them.

tara @ kidz said...

Stopping through by way of classy closet and I'm glad I did. I loved this post. I feel exactly the same way. is my best friend!

Dee said...

man, I'm tired just reading that! My momma BELIEVES in spanx..and I've worn them MAYBE twice! I just cant stand things that make me feel constricted!! She uses the higher power ones..or whatever they're called!

I'm excited you're going to join us in my new meme on Tuesday! I cant wait to check out the talent going on over at your house! :)

Kathleen said...

I wish you had posted some photos! LOL

I too dread clothes shopping, even though I love clothing. With the post-baby girth, it seems like nothing in my closet or in the stores fits right. No wonder mothers head for sweat suits. But I'm not giving up!